Always alone
by Arwenia
Summary: "I always wanted to be someone not just something. I always wanted to prove my existance and I always dreamed that maybe… someday… someone will be brave enough to love me for who I really am..." Gaara and some small part of me.


This is not my first story. The first story I am still writing is still in the middle of the process and I really don't want to upload it unfinished.

First of all... This is real. At least my part. I know many of you feel or felt the same at least once in a lifetime. Maybe it was love for an actor or singer... My devotion is for this anime character. And if I owned Naruto I would draw myself and pair myself with him. But let's fall back to reality. I DO NOT OWN NARUTO.

Don't be angry or jealous. It is purely made to entertain and to reveal my hidden secret. And also... I don't know if this is spelled right so I am deeply sorry if something makes you laugh.

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><p><strong>GAARA<strong>

I always wanted to be someone not just something. I always wanted to prove my existence and I always dreamed that maybe… someday… someone will be brave enough to love me for who I really am.

But even… Being brave isn't enough… There isn't many girls who would like such a skinny, red haired man without eyebrows and with a look like a raccoon. There isn't many girls who could break trough my ultimate defence, to get to know me as I am.

So I am still alone while everyone at my age is getting married. Sitting alone, gazing into sunset, waiting for the sunrise, waiting all my life for that certain someone to come. To make me happy.

There is no Shukaku in me left. No threat. But I know… I am still a beast even without a monster inside me. Now there are young girls I train… They are sharpening their skills on me… but what I need is a woman. Equality. Strong, everlasting love. I need someone to take care of my wounds when I come home hurt. I need someone to ask me how I feel when I have a fever in the middle of the night. I need someone who can satisfy me when I feel the hunger for the flesh.

I need someone… is that too much to ask?

Do I deserve it? Probably not… But still…

I am still scared to live alone for my whole life. I am scared to die without at least one feeling of love.

Am I such a monster… to be destined to die alone, abandoned. Famous, respected but alone.

There will be written. Gaara of the Sand. A noble shinobi, always protecting the Sunagakure. Always there where no one answered the call. The messenger of the peace.

But there will be people who will know that I was deeply feared off. That there will be no son behind me to avenge me if I fall in battle, no daughter to cry on my grave. No grandchildren to be proud… to be proud to be descendants of the famous fifth Kazekage. No one.

I was born alone. I lived alone. And I will die alone. Alone to the very bone. To the very end.

**ME**

I sit in front of my computer. I watch Naruto. I have a boyfriend for 3 years already… I love him. Or better. I am fond of him and used to him. I live my own life, write stories.

I dream.

I dream a dream about a certain someone I can only see in one certain anime. I fell in love with his appearance when I first saw him, with his cold aura. He is just like me. Misunderstood. Different. Strong and violent but craving for love.

I am always mean to people. Always pushing them back so I can stretch my wings of imagination and live and create and breathe like I have never breathed before.

It is starting to get to me. This feeling of seeing something you crave with all your heart but can't have. The dance of your dreams playing within your mind when you dream of him. When you live a happy life with him.

His figure, his slightly smiling face playing within my mind like mirages in the desert. When I dream of him I always wake up wanting to cry or already tearing up.

He is my man. My dream man even my real boyfriend can't surpass.

If I could be there. I would bring him breakfast into bed even if I have to set a set of alarms to wake me up. I would carry him all the way to the end of the world and I would sell my soul for him.

I would cook for him. I would be so happy to be by his side that I would probably tear up every morning, thankfull that I am still there.

I would die before him because I wouldn't want to live without him.

But no… I am lost in this real world. Lost in this reality and there is nothing I can say or do.

I can just hope that Gaara and I will be together in the next life. That we would find each other. That we will be able to touch, to take care for one another, to be able to love each other…

Eternally.

**Author's note:**

Betaed by **Kitsune1978**, 26. 1. 2012.

**Thank you very much.!**

By,

Arwenia


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